Thursday, April 30, 2009

Interview with Vern and Gater Louie from Magic, Mensa and Mayhem

"Sheeeew-dang! Can you see that big ol' snout hidin' in them thar bushes? I'm tellin' you, chile, I ain't nevah seen no gator that size or color a'fore."

These are the words Vern the dragon wakes up to in this scene from Magic, Mensa and Mayhem. After a rather long and frustrating day of babysitting Faerie creatures at Florida convention, Vern has gone to take a nap in the Everglades. Unfortunately, he finds himself the unwitting subject of a nature show, hosted by the One-and-Only Gater Louie, the American answer to The Crocodile Hunter. Today on Virtual Book Tour de Net, we get to talk to Vern and Louie about the experience. Welcome, Vern and Louie.

Shewew-dang! I is right pleased to be here!

Vern (grumbling):
The things I do for Cajun food.

Vern, you're actual home in the Mundane world is Los Lagos. Colorado. Is that by choice?

Vern: Yes and no. When the Interdimensional Gap opened between our worlds, it did it in Los Lagos on the Mundane side and near Peebles-on-Tweed in Faerie. Guess that's what you get when a nuclear power plant blows up just as a magical spell goes wrong in ours. Don't try it at home. Really, don't.

What did you think of Florida--can we expect you to move down here when you retire?

Vern: I'm immortal; no retirement age for me. And right now, I'm working off a spell by St. George. Once I've served God and His creatures to God's satisfaction and get all my size, wisdom and powers back, I intend to spend a century or two back in my old stomping grounds in Caraparvalenciana. I miss my jungle mountains and the desert sands, and my treasure. Definitely miss my treasure. Florida's a little far away from the Gap, too, which makes it hard for us Magicals. We need exposure to a certain amount of magic to stay healthy. So, No offense to Florida, but it's a nice place to visit, but I won't be setting up residence.

Besides, I don't want to have to deal with environmental protesters every time I decide to take a swim in the Gulf.

Pete: Louie, what did you think of Vern when you first met him? Is he a threat to the environment?

Louie: Aw, now, I thought I'd found me a whole new species of gater! 'course, I I'd seen was that big ol' snout of his. Once I got to know him, I could see he was an intelligent being. I think we're going to be thicker than gravy afor' long.

(snorts) What he means is, he's hired DragonEye, PI, to consult on his spinoff show in Faerie.

Louie: (dropping exaggerated Southern accent for a New York one): Which reminds me, Vern. Sandra e-mailed those contracts to you. I think we'll be ready to film the bullemic gulon. The irony of the species is classic, and the implications to young people who might suffer from eating disorders... Seriously, you'd be amazed how our demographic includes teenage girls-- Oh, (bleep!) Are we live? Can we edit that? I meant to say,

Louie (with accent): Righter than rain, my draconic friend! And we are in the makings of a ex-ci-ting episode on the Bull-lee-mic Gulon. You best be having a wastebasket handy, 'cause it promises to be geee-ross!

Vern, will you be featured in any of Gater Louie's episodes?

I'm not an animal. I'm sentient. So, no.

But I'm still hopin' he'll show up fer a guest spot!

Vern, tell us a little about the adventure where you met Louie.

Vern: The details are in Magic, Mensa and Mayhem, out from Swimming Kangaroo, ( and at Amazon and for Kindle. In essence, my partner, Sister Grace, and I were "volunteered" to babysit the Magicals from Faerie at a Mensa convention. It was supposed to be a simple chaperone job, but with pranking pixies, a starstruck dwarf who gets himself arrested, brownies doing random acts of neatness all over the hotel, and the elves bringing their tribal squabbles to the convention--then getting high on soda... (shakes head) It turned out to be one of the toughest cases we didn't get paid for.

Did you have any fun at all?

Vern: S
ure. Met some great people, had some terrific food thanks to the Faerie French chef who volunteered to handle the hospitality suite, and discovered Dr. Who. So, it wasn't a total loss.

Louie clears his throat.

Yeah. And I met him. (Jerks his head at Louie.)

Thanks so much for being here. Is there anything else you'd like to add?

My transcriber, Karina Fabian, wants me to remind folks that they can join the DragonEye, PI website at Members get a free newsletter with a column from me and Faerie facts, plus special offers on DragonEye, PI, stories and products.

And don' ferget to tune in for Gater Louie. Check your local listings for stations and times!

For more about Karina:

No comments: